When in Doubt, Make Out

In light of a recent conversation I had with one of my squad members, I was discussing how my blog this week was going to be about dating. The cadet then responded to me something along the lines of: "Girls don't know how to communicate. But if you want a relationship, go for the make out." I will give my cadet friend some credit, that is exactly what the culture is like nowadays. Although, how many people want to get into a relationship knowing that the individual finds intimacy, such as kissing, as a recreational activity.

This is not a healthy method of conducting dating habits. Even if you fall into this category and wouldn't mind a non-committed make out (NCMO), I invite you right now to STOP IT. This style of dating is damaging and overall has lead hundreds to thousands of individuals to marriage therapist and/or divorce.

To be able to get to marriage there are four steps a couple must go through to reach the final step of marriage. The first step is dating. Second is courtship. Third is engagement. Fourth is marriage. There is a large difference between dating and courtship, though society does not allow these two to be seen as different steps. Dating is a paired off, paid for, and planned experience that allows individuals to come together. This is not solely for the purpose of finding a marriage companion, but also to have fun, for learning how to interact with the opposite sex, a form of building friendship, even simply to get to know someone. Courtship, on the other hand, is the more specific part of an relationship in which two individuals pair off for an exclusive period of time once they have decided to farther invest their time into each other. Courtship is a trial period, much like the idea of a court system. The individual can be seen on trial for their potential to move forward in the relationship. The third and fourth steps are self explanatory, however often not taken into great consideration. It is often now that individuals never have a defining moment in their relationship. "It just kind of happened" occurs far to often, where expectations are not set leading to harder relationship issues in the future. It is common for individuals to slide through the motions. Even worse, there is common occurrence, far too often of the deadliest relationship killer of them all.

Hanging out.

There is a difference between hanging out and dating (excluding the courtship step.) As reviewed above, dating is: paid for, planned, and paired off.

Why is that? In a general sense, it offers commitment, even a casual commitment. Hanging out offers no commitment since individuals typically pay for themselves, it happens spontaneously, and is never paired off intentionally. Down the line, marriage is the ultimate goal. If individuals allow hanging out to be their mode of dating which is an uncommitted activity, then expect total commitment once married--it's a hard task. One becomes what they practice (Perfect practice equals perfect performance, folks.) If you start a relationship uncommitted, the relationship will remain uncommitted.

Another damage the it creates is that hanging out is convenient. Individuals that once had to go out of their way to pursue the individual they want, now have unlimited access to exactly who they want. No one, and I mean absolutely no one, treasure anything they get for free. Any association that occurs during hang outs are cheap, unfulfilling, and meaningless. It is convenient. No one deserves to be seen as so invaluable as becoming an convenient object such as one does during a hang out.

So maybe I am a little behind the times with these traditional ideals. Maybe I am in the wrong that I don't want to hang out with guys that often. Maybe I am killing off many potential dating partners because I want a paid for, planned, and paired off evening. Maybe I need to be the one encouraging a more casual paid for, planned, and paired off experiences. Whatever the case, it is important that we change the uncommitted cultural of dating around. Too often are there incidents where an uncommitted individual decides to get into a committed relationship, only to walk out because it is no longer convenient for them. Hearts are broken on the daily because of this. On the flip side, this plague of hanging out has lead many not to date, leaving more hearts broken. Hanging out offers little payment to the cost it takes to invest.

Overall, hanging out is a plague among our society. It creates uncommitted and convenient, nonworking individuals. So get out, ask someone on a date. There is NO greater insult to a parent, than having their child never have a chance to go on a date.