Another Stressor Bites the Dust

The only problem about a problem is your attitude about the problem.

Or at least that I try to tell myself whenever there is a problem that comes into my life. Stress is a natural occurrence that will inevitably happen to all us. That is a truth that we all can rely on. These stressing events, or stressors, usually comes when we are not prepared which causes us to have anxiety. As we know, these stressors may be what determines much of what a family is. A stressor may even end a good healthy family if not handle appropriately. That is what I wish to focus on in the blog today, is the ability for you to know how to handle stress better and to take this into your family (or roommates). Healthy methods of coping start with yourself.

First, lets review so VERY COMMON ways of coping that are maladaptive. I will pull a lot of this information from Jeffrey S. Nevid's book "Abnormal Psychology In a Changing World." First there are two types of coping that we can approach a stressor with. Emotional-focused coping and problem-focused coping.

Emotional-focused coping is: individuals choosing methods in which relieve the stressor immediately but does not provide any means in which the stressor is solved or even helps provide a way to manage it. Such ways are to do this are avoidance, denial, and wish-fulfillment coping mechanisms. Since avoidance and denial coping are true to their general definition, I will only define wish-fulfillment coping. This is taking oneself out of the context they are in and fantasize themselves in a world where the stress do not exist. Although, all three of these coping methods seem somewhat appeal, they actually hurt an individual more so than help them.

Let's take a common example of one of these and blow it out of proportion...ever so slightly. You have a homework assignment that is due by the end of the week. It's a big project so you decide to AVOID it until the very last day which causes more stress to pile up on you. That morning you may DENY you have to do the homework all together because you "know your professor will extend the date." However, two hours before its due, you start working on it. The whole time you WISH you could be other things which creates a bad attitude for the project. You end up with 50% for the final grade.

Obviously that method of getting a big project and stressor was not good. Problem-focused coping are more able to combat such stressors more fluidly. This method of coping is done with an individual evaluates the issue and proactively does something to manage it. It does not mean that the stressor is taken away or lessen, but rather you have something to combat the stressor with. Nevid's suggest that we can do this by having self-efficacy expectancies, psychological hardiness, optimism, social support, and ethnic identity. I will focus on a few.

First and foremost optimism is key! I used to be the number one realist/pessimistic individual. "The world is out to get me" is something that ran through my head often enough. In time, I grew up a little bit and realize that was an irrational idea. However, with the relation I gained an understanding on the view of life. I know it is hard, but I realize that seeing things in the positive light, as taking advantage of the small benefits, could carry me though everything that was hard. That is why I tell myself often that "the only problem about a problem is your attitude about the problem." Why make a problem harder that it is with a bad attitude?

Self-efficacy expectancies are also important. This is the reflection of what you can do as an individual in combating the stressor. This could be looking at resources you have all around. You also need to look at the resources instead of yourself! What talents, skills, and tactics do you personally have to solve this stressor. If you say none, then you are wrong. Truly take time to look at yourself and allow yourself to see the good, and then you'll be able to pick out a few strengths you have. Start there, and more will come.

Coping is hard, but hopefully I gave you a few ideas today. Stressors come but they don't have to remain with the same intensity as they started with. Make life easier on yourself, cope in healthy matters today.