Don't Go for the Slam Dunk

This may be one of the few times in your life that you are told not to expect the absolute best. There are a few things in life where the expectations are ridiculous and the consequence of such may last for decades. The "don't go for the slam dunk" I am referring to is sex.

Now, don't think I am saying that sex can't be a great and amazing thing, for it is, but there are some myths and misconceptions that need to be address to be able to make sex an amazing experience from the VERY BEGINNING. I grew up in a conservative area, where sex was not something talked about that often In fact, thoughts and conversations about sex was somewhat seen as a taboo topic. This, in turn, made me become so terrified that I truly never really talked about sex until I was late in my teenage years (I know, my innocence was probably not the best thing.) I remember laying in bed some night as a gentle thought of one day having sex crept into my head. It would make me cringe before falling to my knees and praying to God for the sinner I was. (I've matured since then, thankfully.) But, my fear had a motive. I was scared of something I didn't know anything about. I was told that it was inappropriate until I was married, but on that wedding night everything I was told was inappropriate became the expectation. What else was a girl to do than fear sex just a little bit?

The first expectation of sex we need to lower is talking about sex comfortably and respectfully. This goes beyond just what everyone deems as "sex." Sex is more than intercourse. There is sexual touch, sexual play, sexual sayings, sexual kissing, etc. Intercourse is just one part of the whole. It is important to for parents to talk about this with their children. Most children will learn about intercourse and other sexual conduct outside the home, from among their friends. It is a parent's responsibility to discuss this with their children. If it is too awkward, then practice in front of the mirror until you are comfortable. Their sexual lives, which may be the best or worst experiences in their lives, rest in your educated hands. Nothing is too awkward to talk about it if is done for the right reasons (better said then done, right?)

The second expectation I would address would happen between the couple prior to sex. Returning to my personal culture, sex is done after marriage. For most culture's this is different, but nonetheless the principles can still be implemented. It is important to talk about sex with your partner without it leading to sex. This creates communication styles between the couple. If they are able to talk about a very important topic and discuss boundaries, it leads to deeper respect for one another. I believe that boundaries of sex should be established before actually having sex. That could be such things as having a "stop" sign if your are feeling uncomfortable. What kind of sex you think is appropriate verse another. Not all sexual gestures or romantic evening, leading to having intercourse.

That leads me onto expectations about sex. If a couple goes into having sex for the first time with the expectation it is going to be an extraordinary experience because that's what they heard it was going to be and that's what they deserve; sex then becomes a performance than an enjoyable experience. It may lead to physical or emotional pain for the partner (people go to the hospital because of sex failures, just saying.) It causes guilt to raise if the expectation is not met. The expectation becomes a selfish drive, in which sex is not. Sex is giving pleasure while receiving pleasure. If one goes in with the expectation of taking the pleasure, it will not be a good experience. Sex done right need to have a boundaries of how far they go, a reasonable one where both sides voice in, and not be ashamed of it. If you are both giving, and not performing, the gift will be receiving, and the performance not critiqued.

So how does sex and obtaining a slam dunk go together? Well, like I said, desire sex in the right boundaries. Just take it slow. Slam dunks in sports takes practice and time. Slam dunks in sex, however, can occur every time if the couples are willing to give each other the "game" they are ready for.